Welcome Back to the Blogosphere

Greetings! It's been a while. Sorry about that. School and life and everything just seems to overwhelm me right around February, which means until about May I never feel as though I am getting anything done. It was a crazy busy semester--I qualified for (and competed at) Nationals for Speech IEs, went through training to become a Writing Center tutor, did an intensive Fulbright undergrad summer program application in under two weeks, took some insanely difficult--but supremely interesting--classes, and somehow managed to survive it all. Wow.

I'm home for the summer, and now I am fully realizing what all I've accomplished in the past two years. I'm a junior in college--I'm halfway done with my undergraduate life. This baffles me. I feel like only yesterday I was moving into my freshman dorm, excited and terrified to be "out on my own." I remember the rough time I had adjusting to life at CC--not academically, but socially--and feeling so alone until I joined a beautiful, brilliant group of women. I've applied for so many things, been rejected from some, wait-listed from more, and accepted to others. Sure, it's disappointing when you find out you were a quarter-finalist to go to the UK for five weeks completely paid for, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm beginning to learn that everything will work out in the end the way it is supposed to. For instance, if I did get the RA job last spring, I would not have applied for a tutoring position with the Writing Center this past fall, which actually suits me much better, given my plans to teach. I'm definitely going for a more glass-half-full kind of perspective anymore. I mean, so much is beyond my personal control, so why should I get really upset when something doesn't work out just how I want it. It all comes down to karma--if I put good out into the universe, the universe will send good right on back.

That being said, I am instating the blog once more. I hope that this year I will use it for reflections, comic relief, catharsis, and whatever else it ends up becoming. I'm going to let this beast become what it may.

I'm ready for a new adventure.

Relearning Education

The other day I met with the teacher I will be observing for my ED100 course. This course is designed to be an introduction to being in education. I was really excited to go get in the classroom to help and observe, and then the day finally came. I've been placed in a 6th grade Language Arts class at a school a couple of miles North of CC. As I was driving there, I was astounded at how quickly the neighborhoods changed from beautifully maintained old houses to more run-down ranches. I almost missed the school, and after I finally figured out how to get into the parking lot, I went to sign in at the main office. I guess I wasn't expecting what I encountered. I make it to the front door, which was locked. I had to ring a doorbell, wait for a click, and then entered the office. I was not met with the smile and "Good afternoon" I was used to when visiting a school in my district at home. Instead, a woman briskly asked me what I was doing there. I stood there with a smile plastered on my face, CC information folder in hand, and gave her my most cheerful explanation as I signed in. The woman slid a visitor badge across the counter to me, gave me brief directions as to how to find the classroom I was going to, and then shooed me into the hall.

*****

Needless to say, I began this post weeks ago, waiting to expand upon it until after my first observation day. I have since changed placement teachers and now I am working with two 8th grade Language Arts teachers. Yesterday, I went in for a full six hours, and it was quite an experience. I began the day in Ms. R's reading class, moving on to her advanced class, and then a period of Mr. M's American History class, finishing the day with two periods of Mr. P's Language Arts. Each class had a different personality, yet there were several things I noticed no matter the class I was in:

1. There are too many students. Each student needs varying levels of help, each vying for the teacher's limited attention. This basically mandates that students will fall through the cracks, which just causes more problems down the line.
2. The students who don't want to be there distract the teacher from teaching those who really do care. Teachers seem to be under the impression that the students who want to learn will just take care of themselves. This doesn't seem to be the case--these students want to interact with their teachers and their peers, but teachers get distracted by those students causing problems.
3. If you assume the kids are going to do something wrong, they probably will. Some teachers use the outside-of-school circumstances of students as an excuse for the students not doing well, and therefore they must rule their class with an iron fist. I observed students who in one class who acted out (the teacher was extremely strict and tyrannical) and then an hour later in another classroom and under the guidance under another teacher they were some of the most engaged students, volunteering to speak and contributing positively to the class.
4. If an environment is created in which learning becomes something fun, students will remain engaged. If kids are engaged, they will be positive and ready to learn. If they are just being talked at
5. Discipline has to be consistent.

I could not believe the differences between the three teachers. Each had their own preconceptions about the students, and I know the students were able to pick up on them. Seeing this really proved to me that the teacher's attitude directly influences the classroom personality and environment.

*****

And now here I am, after completing the program and my 30 hours. I wish I had been posting more consistently throughout my experiences, but unfortunately life and class got in the way. I do still have my journal from the class, so I have some stuff to reflect on. From this experience, I am reaffirmed in my belief that I want to be a teacher. The experience was invaluable--I was able to see aspects of teaching I had never been exposed to before. I don't really want this post to run on and on, so perhaps I'll go to my journal later and do another post of highlights. Perhaps I won't. We'll just have to see, won't we?

Reflections on the Future

I haven't had much to write about in the past week. But then yesterday was my birthday, and that got me thinking about my future, which is rather scary. As of 7:06 AM on July 14th, I began my nineteenth year of life. Nineteen--that means I've almost been alive for two decades. Eek! I don't feel any older, and I certainly don't feel any wiser, but upon reflections while driving, I realized I've already joined the adult world.

This spring I bought my first car (used, but still), and have already had to pay for some maintenance. That was the most money I've ever shelled out on anything...it was five times more expensive than my laptop, which was the most money I've spent up to this point. I have to pay for my own gas, and the one birthday present which made my day was my AAA membership. If there is any indication of being a grown-up, I think that would be it.

This summer has been challenging because of the economy. Before I even came home I had twelve job applications for jobs in my area, and then I only heard back from two, both of which I interviewed for and subsequently did not get the job. Now, I had a job lined up at the library I work for, but we were moving from one location to a new one, so the library was closed for close to a month and a half, meaning, no job. Now that the library is re-opening on Friday, I am scrambling to pick up any and all available shifts, trying to make up for my lack of income at the beginning of the summer.

I also recently took out a loan for some of my school tuition. Signing my name on that document was surreal--I am officially in debt. I know it is a fact of life, but at this point, it looks pretty bleak. I am a full time student, not eligible for work study, and no income to speak of during the school year. It makes me worry, even though I know all the facts--the grace period of six months post-graduation before I have to start paying it back, the loan forgiveness for teachers who devote several years to teaching in high-need areas.

All of this leads to an internal crisis I've been experiencing regarding my schooling. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do--get my degree in English and be certified to teach in my four undergrad years, and get my Masters in teaching the next. Then I started pondering dropping the certification (the Masters program I am interested in offers both certification and the Masters in fourteen months) so that I would have time to minor in something that really interests me, like psychoanalysis or feminist and gender studies. And something recently happened that has me thinking about law school. Not to mention my yen for studying abroad. As much as I am loving being home for the summer, lacking a job for the first half sure gave me a ton of time to think and I fear I have been thinking too much. For the first time in years, I don't know what I want to do on a grand scale. That freaks me out.

I guess what I am learning is that this constant state of never really knowing is just a part of life, and it only seems to get worse as you get older. But then again, nothing gets better until it has been the worst. I'm trying to remain hopeful, because things will get better. They just have to.