As Summer Comes Whooshing to an End...

Busy.

That's basically the only word that can begin to encompass my life right now. For the past few weeks, I have been (thankfully) working, but at 30+ hours a week. It has been rough, I haven't really gotten a chance to breathe since the new library opened, but that's okay. I had almost forgotten just how much I love my job, and creating a new system for the new library has been quite the adventure. There really is nothing like handling books in a beautiful, new space--the new location sure makes going to work so much more enjoyable (especially since we have been having record-setting temperatures here, and the new library is a little A/C heavy).

Work isn't the only thing occupying my time. Its almost time for me to head back to campus, and I cannot wait. Saturday's the day, and at this point, Saturday can't come fast enough. I grossly misunderestimated the sheer amount of things I have to do to get ready. I never really unpacked earlier this summer when I got home, but recently the realization of not having an elevator in my dorm finally sunk in. Thus, I've been unpacking my supposedly pre-packed boxes, sorting through them to decide what I really do need vs. what I think I might need at some point in time (without ever really coming up for a situation which calls for both of my large, leather-bound copies of the complete works of Austen and Shakespeare), and condensing my life into smaller, lighter boxes which can easily be carried up several flights of stairs.

In doing so, I've decided that being an English major is not very conducive to packing lightly. My love of books is proving to be a difficult handicap. I have piles in my room here at home: books that are definitely coming with me, without any question or discussion; books I would love to bring, but could be potentially convinced not to; and books that can come only if I have room in my car when everything else has already been stuffed in. Unfortunately, the pile of the first category is massive, with very little in the latter two. It also doesn't help that my books are some of my most prized possessions. I don't want anything to happen to them at school (heaven forbid someone borrows one and I forget to write it down) nor do I want them to be left at home and neglected for months at a time. I am facing a difficult quandary, with little time to fashion a solution.

Despite this minor(ish) setback, I'm super stoked to begin this next year at CC. I can't wait to get back to the people I had to leave behind for three months. I'm amazed at how quickly I forged such strong bonds with such incredible people, and I have missed them all terribly this summer. Our brief and random chats over the summer have been a huge part of what has kept me going--when I wasn't working and not doing much with my life beyond watching rerun marathons of ANTM, our conversations helped keep me sane. And in a few sort days, we will be back again in a lovely groove of hanging out, talking, drinking tea, and studying (of course).

Something I'm most excited about is my first block class: Introduction to Shakespeare. In a fit of recent insomnia, I navigated over to the bookstore website to investigate whether or not my book list had been posted. I knew we were going to be reading four plays over the block--a comedy, a history, a tragedy, and another of the professor's choosing--I just didn't know which ones. Amazingly, the book list was posted. And I was so thrilled. Of the four plays, I've read two (Hamlet and Henry IV, pt. I) and I know the third very well (Much Ado About Nothing), the only one I am not familiar with is The Winter's Tale. I really give props to the AHS English department on this one--I couldn't ask for any better preparation than Mrs. F and Mr. K for AP Lang and AP Lit, respectively. This class is going to be sheer enjoyment for me, and that's just what I need to start my year.

So, I still have much to do and about 13 more hours of work this week before I make the hour trek south to the Springs, and I couldn't be more excited. Sophomore year, here I come!

Reflections on the Future

I haven't had much to write about in the past week. But then yesterday was my birthday, and that got me thinking about my future, which is rather scary. As of 7:06 AM on July 14th, I began my nineteenth year of life. Nineteen--that means I've almost been alive for two decades. Eek! I don't feel any older, and I certainly don't feel any wiser, but upon reflections while driving, I realized I've already joined the adult world.

This spring I bought my first car (used, but still), and have already had to pay for some maintenance. That was the most money I've ever shelled out on anything...it was five times more expensive than my laptop, which was the most money I've spent up to this point. I have to pay for my own gas, and the one birthday present which made my day was my AAA membership. If there is any indication of being a grown-up, I think that would be it.

This summer has been challenging because of the economy. Before I even came home I had twelve job applications for jobs in my area, and then I only heard back from two, both of which I interviewed for and subsequently did not get the job. Now, I had a job lined up at the library I work for, but we were moving from one location to a new one, so the library was closed for close to a month and a half, meaning, no job. Now that the library is re-opening on Friday, I am scrambling to pick up any and all available shifts, trying to make up for my lack of income at the beginning of the summer.

I also recently took out a loan for some of my school tuition. Signing my name on that document was surreal--I am officially in debt. I know it is a fact of life, but at this point, it looks pretty bleak. I am a full time student, not eligible for work study, and no income to speak of during the school year. It makes me worry, even though I know all the facts--the grace period of six months post-graduation before I have to start paying it back, the loan forgiveness for teachers who devote several years to teaching in high-need areas.

All of this leads to an internal crisis I've been experiencing regarding my schooling. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do--get my degree in English and be certified to teach in my four undergrad years, and get my Masters in teaching the next. Then I started pondering dropping the certification (the Masters program I am interested in offers both certification and the Masters in fourteen months) so that I would have time to minor in something that really interests me, like psychoanalysis or feminist and gender studies. And something recently happened that has me thinking about law school. Not to mention my yen for studying abroad. As much as I am loving being home for the summer, lacking a job for the first half sure gave me a ton of time to think and I fear I have been thinking too much. For the first time in years, I don't know what I want to do on a grand scale. That freaks me out.

I guess what I am learning is that this constant state of never really knowing is just a part of life, and it only seems to get worse as you get older. But then again, nothing gets better until it has been the worst. I'm trying to remain hopeful, because things will get better. They just have to.